Hello!
Welcome to the end of Comedy Festival check-in edition of I shaved my legs for…THIS?! Have you missed me? Sorry if posting this on a Wednesday has thrown your usual routines out of whack.
I’m scheduling this a few days early to remind you there are 4 more chances to come see me host Comedy Zone. I have been hosting the show every night for almost a month now, and though it has been a massive hit to my ego to be winning over a crowd (slowly) only to hand them over to someone else… I have also got incredibly good at telling people off with just a raised eyebrow. Come see my facial prowess and the reason I will need to invest in preventative botox.
Anyway, we are going to speed through this copy of I shaved my legs for…THIS?! The newsletter based on my theory that shaving your legs or putting in that bit of extra effort should translate to having an above-average day. To test this theory I critically review every shave and the subsequent day/week/experiences and give it all a rating out of 100. Any day that scores higher than a 75 was definitely worth the shave.
If this isn’t coming straight to your inbox, you can subscribe right now! Using this button right here:
The Shave
The Comedy Festival always has the audacity to fall within that period of Melbourne whether where it alternates between blistering hot and freezing cold on a near-daily basis. This has meant I have had to use some of my precious energy to shave my legs to that the front row doesn’t know the extent to which my personal grooming is just one of the many areas of my life being neglected the appropriate attention in favour of seeing shows and sleeping. They are still in a better position than the man who tried to upskirt me with his phone the other day while I was walking through the city - I’m never sure what upskirting is trying to achieve but if it is a picture of my 3-day old bike shorts and my thighs that have chaffed so badly the skin resembles a fine leather saddle then you have absolutely nailed it.
Rating: 5/20 minimum effort shave for minimum return.
The Content
I don’t know if you could call this straight regression, but I have become obsessed with this particular fan edit from Our Flag Means Death (ahh, spoilers if you haven’t watched). It’s like I am back in high school watching Jim and Pam, Veronica and Logan and Seth and Summer fan edits all over again and dreaming that I too will one day be in love (another spoiler alert - this happened!) Also before you start worrying I am now strongly of the belief that all these couples should not be together and would not last.
I generally found the show to be cheesy and cringe (ideal watching) but this edit added an extra layer of cheesy mind reading/directions on how to feel that I just have to appreciate. I also think all shows would benefit from dispensing with any of that anxiety-inducing action stuff and just sticking to 100% pure romance.
Rating: 20/20 how can regressing be wrong when it feels so right?
The Food
I need a bougie meal so badly. I crave a shared plate of wine bar snacks (olives! cheese! oysters! cured meats!) and a wine I can pretend to know about more than anything. Yet my most common dinner has been a lunchbox sized bag of popcorn and a fruit leather, eaten in the green room during the show.
If you are someone great (and preferably able to expense the trip) and want to woo me, please know I would sell my soul for a nice glass of wine and a little anchovy toast.
Rating: 0/20 I was born to be independently wealthy (but unfortunately not to a wealthy family)
The Social Stuff
I am still avoiding COVID so my main social activity has been spending time on my phone but around people in my pre-show green room. I think “the greatest hang is in the green room” is worse than any “this really happened” lie that comics tell on stage because there is nothing I want less than to have to be funny for my peers (read I cannot achieve this) before going on stage and being funny for the audience whose validation I crave.
I am also starting to hit that cross over were people from my day job work-life are starting to cross over with people from my night-job work-life. I don’t know if I care for this. It’s lovely that they come to support or have happened upon me…but I already went and got a whole PhD to try and prove I know what I am doing in the workplace despite being funny and loving to slack off. Once they know how truly funny I am they are going to want it all the time and I am simply unable to perform two jobs at once.
Rating: 10/20 the economy is simply not built for the pursuit of dreams and a short attention span.
The Miscellaneous Stuff
Obsessed with having a large financial windfall and buying this house furnished like I am a Sim.
Ai Wei Wei’s 10 rules for creativity (haven’t read but trust they would be good)
It’s your friends that break your heart
A zine for a dating profile for those that want to do the absolute most.
I will never not stop raving about the show Old Enough!
I’ve been napping so hard my own snores wake me up. Good to know its recommended.
Rating: 8/20 that’s enough of that.
Final Rating (43/100)
Look I am not sure if I have added it up right but you got a bonus edition of the newsletter that I didn’t think I would be able to write except for everything being closed on Easter Sunday and me wanting to sell out the remaining Comedy Zone shows as I have been spending a fortune on RATs and it would be great to recoup some of those costs.
Overall the festival has been both very fun and very hard and I thought I would be pouring out my emotions around the festival and all it has contained in this newsletter but turns out I am still too repressed for a full breakdown. I am sure it will come when I least expect it and my only hope is that it is truly spectacular.
If you liked this newsletter please share it with a friend! Otherwise I’ll see you in two weeks!