Hello! Welcome back to a new edition of ISMLFT. There have been a lot of exciting things happening and I am working hard to get my new show about cities ready. Watch out for proper announcements in the next few weeks but if you do have any gripes with the ways cities are designed or something near you that feels like they’ve just tried to slap a bit of paint on it to distract from obvious issues then please let me know so I can include it.
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The Outdoor Cinema
The outdoor cinema is a textbook case of failing upwards. Someone, somewhere thought that the ‘experience’ of watching a movie outdoors would be worth giving up the comfort of a specifically designed indoor space for that exact activity. FORGETTING THAT 4D FAILED FOR A REASON.
Clearly, this was someone who wasn’t already trying to optimise their cinema session times for the maximum chance of emptiness - not too early to avoid the rustling of boiled lolly wrappers and children and not too late to avoid groups of cherished friends having fun together. I usually find 1 pm on a school day to be the sweet spot.
But in honour of my re-found love of Pinterest, I’ve made a mood board to help me illustrate the many failings of outdoor cinema.
So as it stands, the Open Air Cinema Experience exists of:
The Zephyros open-air cinema in Athens at first looks like a magical way to watch a movie but upon closer inspection you quickly realise that the screen is blurry, those seats offer absolutely no support for the neck and that impending grey sky would have me so convinced I’m feeling the first few drops of rain that I would miss a pivotal plot point and be lost for the rest of the movie.
This Jean Jullien sculpture in Nantes perfectly encaptures being dragged to honour our tickets at the cinema after remembering it’s a bad idea and how great it is to get dinner somewhere indoors and climate-controlled.
The branding through faux vintage tickets and a cool Pigeon Flyer to trick you into thinking you are becoming part of a cool and exciting experience. Until you realise that the use of pigeons was to prepare you to fight off the hordes of them that will launch a meticulously planned attack to get ahold of your popcorn.
The distraction is a view into a popular bar that has the feeling of a whole movie playing out just across the way. The babble of talk and laughter reaches a crescendo during the dramatic peak of Inside Out, or whatever other movie that lured you to take part in this terrible fate.
It’s raining now and you’re about to get told off for your giant umbrella or other makeshift piece of rain protection is getting in the way of someone’s view. I can’t find the source for this image, much like how you’ll never find that umbrella again.
You have to bring the GIANT bag to smuggle in snacks because the whole experience is bankrupting you. Of course, you only realise when you emerge with that classic cheese dust powder coating and a suspicious chocolate stain that looks like you’ve been rolling around during the experience like a proper pig in shit.
One of those vague, free postcards (like the pictured Leonie Bos print, no longer for sale) from a stand that you pick up and then stick on your wall so you can look back on the shit show of an outing with increasing fondness until you fall for the trap and go again five years after that first dangerous foray into the experience.
Thanks for reading! Please let me know if i’m wrong about Open Air Cinema and the part you think I am not getting. It won’t change my mind but always good to have an open discussion. Also, I’m blaming any typos or weird changes in tense today on my 5am wake-up because I refused to pay an extra $50 for a flight home from Sydney. I thought I had grown beyond making this stupid choice but it appears not.
I had a great time performing at The Comedy Store, but boy is it back to be good in the drizzly city that I love.