I shaved my legs for THIS!?
Some days you shave your legs and feel powerful, sleek and ready to take on the day, and other times the day is a total dud that cannot be saved even by rubbing your legs together like a powerful cricket.
I have a theory that shaving your legs or putting in that bit of extra effort (whatever that is for you) should translate to a better day on average. I’m testing this theory by critically reviewing each shave day and rate them out of 100. Any day that scores higher than a 75 was definitely worth the shave (whether the effects were direct or more…indirect. If you want to follow this experiment - subscribe with the button below and enjoy my fortnightly shave cycle!
The Shave (4/20)
Welcome to the worst shave I have ever had. It was hot and the hair on my legs felt like it was trapping heat. The hair needed to go, but my razor handle had broken days before. I was rich in razors and shaving accoutrements but I was poor in the actual ability to shave my legs. BUT! As a creative and strong independent young woman, I pushed on and held that razor (carefully) between my fingers and whipped that hair off dem pins. Overall the job was an absolute mess but my legs could at least breathe fresh air once again, and *spoiler alert* it was date night. I also ordered a new razor handle from Dollar Shave Club (unofficial sponsor of this newsletter) and they sent me the shaving accoutrements I had ordered twice and then when I let them know this also ended up sending the handle twice. So we could say that this sponsorship relationship is going well.
The Content (18/20)
Lets get stuck in! The content on this day was off the charts good.
I started watching Selling Sunset after hearing it being talked about on The High Low podcast. Everyone was awful, but watching people being bad at their jobs made me feel better about the work I have been doing (or not doing) of my own during lockdown. The other day I messed up the most straight forward task and I haven’t been that embarrassed since I earnestly talked with a friend about how I wanted to see the Dev Patel, David Copperfield movie because I love magic (clearly this is a recent event).
In other embarrassing news: I found out that this song is by Sixpence None The Richer and not as I previously thought (despite clearly female singer)…The Beatles.
Further highs as a new Chefs Table was out. At first, I turned my nose up at the fact it was featuring BBQ, only because I had consumed so much BBQ content in the past. I often test people I am friends with by trying to discern how willing they would be to get up early in the morning and line up (and get on the beers) for Franklin BBQ. The second episode though, Lennox Hastie and his Firedoor restaurant in Sydney, was truly one of the great episodes of Chefs Table (My top 5 being Nancy Silverton, Corrado Assenza, Dominique Crenn, Tim Raue and Niki Nakayama). Anyway, this was both a delightful watch and a real blow, as it showcased just one more thing Sydney has going on for it while Melbourne remains a withered husk of its former self.
As an added bonus I read this article where people highlight the books they want people to know they read (here). The book I most want to purchase being - Cod: A Biography of the Fish that Changed the World by Mark Kurlansky. Having some quirky facts about an under-appreciated fish are sure to make me a social hit once pubs return.
The Food (18/20)
I have been starting every Friday with a Pistachio and Barberry escargot from Baker Bleu. Routine is important and I’ve always loved a cheeky pastry. Although, they’ve been tainted ever since I tried to order a danish in Copenhagen and had to repeat myself multiple times to the hot bakery guy until relenting and pointing to the danish in question (rhubarb and custard). The guy, seemingly non-plussed by the serious flirt he was getting from me, said ‘oh those, here we just called them squares’. Cue me leaving, ‘square’ in hand and oddly confident this potentially racist incident could lead to me and the bakery guy hooking up later. The hook up never happened but I am sure with a few more days it would have, I am my best self in a service-based interaction.
For lunch, I had thinly sliced radishes on toast with butter and salt. Delicious. A classic for a reason. Nothing more to say on this one, except that if you haven’t tried it - give it a damn go.
Chicken and leek risotto for dinner. Too hot a day for it but I had the stuff there and the time to partake in some mindless and endless stirring. I read ‘french women don’t get fat’ at a formative age and all it has meant is that I buy a lot of leeks. I think you are meant to boil them into some sorry of leek-y water and drink it until your piss reeks and then you’ll be attractively french? Anyway, I’ve never drunk it but the memory remains a powerful influence on my purchasing habits.
The Social Stuff (19/20)
Bow chicka wow wow! This week got SEXY, so anyone with a familial relationship to me, or a weak stomach, might want to skip this section.
Just kidding, I won’t go into detail (I’ll save that for my erotic memoirs I am sure to one day release) but my partner did assure me that he had ‘trimmed his beard for this’. Good to know equality isn’t dead and we were all putting in that bit of extra effort. I have some friends that always think because I like sex I want to hear the intimate detail of their sex lives. I want to go on the record now to say this is absolutely not the case. Happy to be across your sex life in general while being vague on the details - save those for your own erotic memoirs. And even then, maybe fictionalise it to help my enjoyment.
Also, as is the hot trend in Melbourne socialising, went for a walk with a friend around Royal Park. I spent too long talking about the movie I had written while not sleeping the night before. It was a dramatic tale of love, time rifts that lead straight to time prison and the Chincilla Watermelon Festival. Could be a compelling allegory to our time in the pandemic, though could also be complete shit. Hard to tell in these times.
The Miscellaneous Stuff (10/20)
I guess this week miscellaneous refers to mental health. I feel like this whole year I have become my airport self, full time. A being of pure functionality - without the capability for joy or socialisation. Only focused on fulfilling your basic human needs and passing time. It seemed like a good idea to book a week-long holiday to Europe at the time, and a five-hour layover seemed worth saving $150 on your flights. But…now you are here you are starting to think you should have just moved back to Brisbane before you ended up in this mess.
Either way, you’re definitely going to get some McDonalds.
Final Rating (69/100)
Lol. Shocked that this day didn’t hit ‘worth it levels’ but the number does seem apt given the sexiness of this newsletter content. We had a few limiting factors here that stopped us from getting over the line, and I think with a better shaving situation this could have been a worth it day. The genuine flaw in the experiment is that everything that made this good was unrelated to having shaved legs….but who knows how bad it could have been if they remained as furry as they are on most other days.
If you enjoyed this, please subscribe below. It would make me so happy. If you are already subscribed, why not share this newsletter with a friend or crush? I’m pretty sure if you do all your dreams will come true.