Can you believe this? Not one but TWO newsletters are being sent from the Edinburgh Fringe. God, I am good to you. I am in the last few days of my trip, where suddenly you realise you have to make the most of it and all your little grumbles from the previous weeks drift away as if they were autumn leaves in the wind. Okay except for the grumbles about the rubbish strike and why the Scottish government can’t pay their sanitary workers double or even treble what they are asking to avoid the looming rat surge. As someone that likes to clean their car as soon as they get even a little stressed, it has been hard to resist not picking up even a piece of rubbish - but of course, I would never want to cross a picket line even if a messy city does equal a messy mind.
Anyway, you are now reading the latest edition of I shaved my legs for…THIS?! The newsletter explores my theory that shaving your legs or putting in that bit of extra effort should translate to having an above-average day. To test this theory I critically review every shave and the subsequent day/week/experiences and give it all a rating out of 100. Any day that scores higher than a 75 was definitely worth the shave.
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The Shave
I’ve given up trying to shave my legs in the teeny tiny shower I have been provided in my student accommodation and am now doing it standing next to the shower with my foot propped up on the lid of the toilet. The toilet lid does have this weird indent in it which I will continue to tell myself I did not put there. Surely I couldn’t, my legs are made of pure muscle from walking up and down Edinburgh’s hills all day every day.
Rating: 20/20 Mostly for the feeling that I could crush a watermelon between my thighs right now.
The Content
My time and attention span has been so limited plus I have been too scared to watch something even remotely questionable access-wise in my student accommodation… so it’s all youtube over here baby!
As an aside, I watched a show the other day and the performer went to say ‘That’s just how it is baby”, but must have changed their mind towards the end and it came out “That’s just how it is baby man” and I can’t stop thinking about it.
Of course the only youtube for me is food youtube. My favourite of course being Ham and Sohla making meals with a mystery ingredient and this enviable menu on a budget:
I want to be friends with June and go on a walking tapas adventure so bad, this might be a yearning that becomes more clear when you read the next section.
Rating: 20/20 youtube is the perfect travel companion baby man!
The Food
I have tried very very hard to not shit all over the food in Edinburgh, as seems to be common practice for comedians visiting during the Edinburgh Fringe. I have had a lot of great meals while I have been here (especially the cardamon panna cotta with red wine poached cherries I had at Spry) but the other day I was pushed to my breaking point.
I went to Union Brew House on the recommendation of another comic, and I ordered a ham and cheese croissant…which they proceeded to serve to me, UNTOASTED. Have you ever heard of such a thing? I know we are in an energy crisis but surely our savoury croissants don’t need to suffer! How much energy does a quick toast in the sandwich press take? I’m even open to creative solutions, pop it next to a just-boiled kettle perhaps? Sit on it for 5 minutes or so and we might have got some toasting action going!
I had to pull it apart and eat it like the world’s saddest charcuterie board. Cheese that isn’t melted just doesn’t co-operate with the other flavours in the same way.
Rating: 0/20 this cost of living crisis has taken it too far this time.
The Social Stuff
I have been absolutely obsessed with the green room in my fringe venue, The City Cafe. Sure you might see a few famous comics sitting down for a meal upstairs, but the lovely comics are all downstairs hanging out in the only room with BOTH reliable Wi-Fi and aircon. There is no vibe that unites quite like performing in small karaoke closets every day, where you can hear the shows you get to overlap with but never quite see. I can only imagine this overhearing factor is less appealing when it is actual karaoke going on.
I have loved getting to know the characters I’ve crossed paths with down in that basement, even the ones that are honestly, a little too much. There is of course my favourite poet dressed as a fridge, the sweet comic/quizmaster, the one that I’ve seen in their underwear more than anyone else in a long time and so many others. Also, my friends from Melbourne, who I get to either do a show with or overlap with if I have chosen to forgo a proper breakfast and just get Greggs on the way in.
There can be quite a groundhog day quality to heading off to the same place at the same time every day. Especially when you learn that the time is too early if you are still recovering from last night’s hangover. But meeting these people and having a nice time together has made it all worth it.
Rating: 30/20 so nice I even bumped it up an extra 10 points.
The Miscellaneous Stuff
(sorry)
Rating: 0/20 no time for links! There is no time for links!
Final Rating (80/100)
80 out of 100 with two sections scoring nil pois! What a win! The game has never seen such incredible upsets. I remain the undisputed champion of my own newsletter and have probably made it clear how little sports I watch.
Thank you as ever for reading this. I hope I didn’t bum you out too much last time as I was in my homesickness dip. I have had a really great time at the festival and do plan to subject myself to the ups and downs again when I can next afford it (2025 perhaps?).
If you liked the newsletter, please pass it on to a friend who you think might also enjoy it. My only goal in life is to have a small army of prudes, that will agree with me about things on the reg. See you soon x.