Welcome! Come in and join me on this beautiful Sunday. Thanks for fishing my out of your promotions folder if you had to do that. I would love it if you could mark me as not spam even as Melbourne starts to open up and my promo machine launches into high gear.
You are reading I shaved my legs for…THIS?! the newsletter exploring the theory that shaving your legs or putting in that bit of extra effort should translate to having an above-average day. To test this theory I (semi) critically review every shave and the subsequent day/week/experiences and give it all a rating out of 100. Any day that scores higher than a 75 was definitely worth the shave and hopefully worth you reading about.
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The Shave
I shaved in honor of the first day out of lockdown, which I chose to celebrate by doing only things I could have done before getting lockdown anyway. The end of lockdown always makes me feel like an 18 year old in a bottle-o again, suddenly forgetting how to act in a way that isn’t suspicious. Attempting to go sit in at a cafe feels exactly the same as trying to purchase a four pack of lemon ruskiis at 19 . Actually I still felt that way in bottle shops until the pandemic started and as soon as I covered up my chubby lil cheeks I stopped getting asked to show ID. This development has shaken me to my core, but allowed me to continue to feel like I am ‘getting away with it’.
Rating: 12/20 very conflicting period of time, but at least at almost 29 i’m no longer drinking ruskiis, only pet nats that taste the exact same around here.
The Content
The only content we are working on this week is mine, because I found a HACK to make writing up jokes bearable. By found, sure I mean my nerdy mum suggested it after I relentlessly whined about how tedious I find sitting at a computer to write up jokes. Anyway what you can do is use words ‘dictate’ function and have it type it all up for you as you pontificate alone in your bedroom.
You’ll be able to tell when I have been implemented this technique when my jokes start ending with me saying all my punctuation out loud. Like the classic punchline, ‘isn’t that crazy question mark, exclamation point’.
Luckily once I got bored of talking to myself, I decided to procrastinate by thinking about what videos I would choose if asked to do one of those ‘10 funniest things I have seen on the internet articles’ for The Guardian. Normally the thought of revealing things I actually find funny would fill me with fear, but then I remembered the Lil Yachty Everything I Eat in a Day video and I knew I could do it.
This would obviously be number one, followed up with this snacks video and the mention of girl scouts here. Then we would change it up a bit and have lil yachty dressed like a penis on hot ones. Essentially we are going to have 9 videos of lil yachty being truly genuine and coincidentally funny, followed by this video.
Rating: 20/20 Half a point for every packet of girl scout thin mints lil yachty is hoarding.
The Food
I’m obsessed with smoothing foods. If there is something that all science fiction movies got right it is that all human life will happily consume a homogenised sludge without asking any further questions. Basically, I got a nutribullet, on sale and now I am better than everyone except those that have comitted on existing on soylent so they can solely serve the purpose of creating content.
At first, smooth food felt like a little secret I had. It was basically a way to have to drink some ice cream for lunch and feel like it was pure HEALTH. But then it started to feel too much like ice cream, so I started throwing in a handful of chia seads to help balance it out. But even that tasted too much like a mango magic, something that I now know gets its magic from essentially being pure sugar (and containing frozen yogurt which is just ice cream). So I started throwing handfuls of spinach into each drink until I now suffer through a sort of grey-ish brown slop, that makes soylent (green or otherwise) actually seem like the more appealing option.
Rating: 8/20 the cyclonic action technology of the nutribullet may indeed be too powerful
The Social Stuff
Well, well, well, seems like someone (me) is turning 29 tomorrow, what an interesting turn of events. Unfortunately, the date of my birth has fallen at the end of mercury retrograde and the beginning of Melbourne opening back up. And quite simply, how many transitions is one person meant to endure at a time?!
I have been trying to engage more with online life, perhaps as a direct reaction to what feels like real life trying to start again. This is of course instead of my usual technique of lurking in the shadows and dolling out likes as if I am throughing fun sized snickers off of a float. Likely a short lived trend as my world is slowly expanded beyong the world of twitter or my newly minted discord membership.
What I fail to understand, is what drives all of these people to share their thougths with strangers. Why would they think that anyone cares? This might be incredibly rich coming from someone that wants to be a comedian, but at least in that scenario I can see if they are interested in what I am saying or if the do in fact hate my guts. I can’t call into the void because I have conditioned myself into believing that the void will in fact call back.
What I learnt through trying to engage more online, was that I could be the void calling back to other people, rather than just trying to elicit that feedback for myself. This is not as good of course, much in the way Garden State, does not stand up to a rewatch after highschool.
Rating: 15/20 we’re trying new things, growing and learning from that intense Zach Braff phase.
The Miscellaneous Stuff
fun lil poem thanks to my discord group (how very online)
Is it better to a little of the things you hate every day, or have one big hate day a week?
Is true crime rotting our brains?
This is a great thread on every cow having a corresponding bean.
It’s harder to be fat, black and femme on Instagram
Loved this piece on Kumail Nanjiani, especially the body image issues post getting hench.
The article was boring but I enjoyed the pics of Lee Pace giving fashion.
If anyone isn’t sick of COVID news - this was a good thread (but not good news) on how pandemics end.
Can you learn more about how you write just from looking at the punctuation?
You need to be more than your job - a profession is not a personality.
The rise of the fictional tik tok influencer - any writing jobs going because I love this cheating boyfriend storyline?
Museums are finally making it easier for me to flick the bean to the statue of David in the comfort of my own home
If there is one thing my podcast Ben and Prue are better than you (on hiatus) taught me, its the joy of dropping a routine.
I entirely disagree with this article about slack being an equalitarian hero of the workplace, but ithe person who wrote it might just be better online than I am
Rating: 20/20 the links were really working with me this time! Oh it was a JOY.
Final Rating (65/100)
-(10) from the overall score because I also watched the movie Together Together (which I paid! to rent!) and found it to be dissatisfying. I am all for an anti rom-com but you do have to make a decision one way or another whether you are going to give us the rom!
Unfortunately that means it was not a worth it day, but thats okay because we are moving into WORTH IT GIRL Summer. Not hot girl summer because that is a label I will never identify with, its all about striving to transcend a corporal form over here. If you enjoyed this newsletter I would love it if you could share it with a friend, download my ‘pruedent advice app’ or come to one of the following gigs:
Comedyish at Comedy Republic - 3 November
Rochey Comedy - 4 November
Deathbed Comedy - 10 November
Comedy at the Coopers Inn - 12 November
Comedy at the Espy - 28th Nov
Plus heaps more to keep an eye out for, can’t wait to see you there! Thanks for reading! If you are The Guardian and keen to lift my 10 funniest videos word for word to be published than leave a comment below!