I’m writing this from a hotel desk in Tamworth right now with a room honestly more spacious than my whole apartment. Nothing brings to light the depth of the rental crisis like someone else paying for your accommodation. I’m also not sure it quite captures the romanticism of writing while on the road - how am I meant to write anything when I should be enjoying the Luxury that is not 1 but three separate seating options (what I wouldn’t give to have space for an armchair) and a TV I could watch from bed? It’s meant to rain this afternoon and I am looking forward to curling up in a chair and finally finishing the one physical book I’ve been carrying around with me for about 10 weeks now.
Enough of that, you are reading the latest edition of I shaved my legs for…THIS?! A newsletter that kind of explores whether shaving your legs is worth the effort by giving a score for roughly every fortnight when I get around to shaving. Anything over 75 is worth it to me, and if you are new here let me tell you we rarely hit it.
If you haven’t subscribed, I also say give it a go. I’d be thrilled and I’ve never once checked to see if anyone has unsubscribed so you can do it safe in that knowledge (or quietly just delete the newsletter after a quick skim forever which would be my preference).
The Shave
I shaved my legs on my brief stop at home and it was rough having to adjust to that 10th-floor shower pressure after using showers so pressurised the water itself could slice right through any unwanted leg hair. Sure it was nice to not worry about the cleanliness (I know for a fact it’s not clean) and have full-sized and personally selected products. But everything comes with a price and that price is the amount of time it takes for you to actually get wet when standing in the shower.
Rating: 6/20 home is where the water trickles.
The Content
I’m nervous to talk about this one because I am worried it reveals too much about my stupid millennial brain than it does any wider trend in online content…but has anyone else’s tik tok turned into a feed of pointless personality-based quizzes circa Buzzfeed 2009?
I’m not sure if the algorithm is punishing me for taking a little bit of time off or if it has realised that even in 2023 you really don’t need to try that hard to capture the narcissism of the human brain. All I get swipe after swipe is videos of people completing quizzes about what their red flags are, what their pokemon team would be, and even the classic format - arbitrary choices that somehow determine whether you will have a successful and happy life.
And sure, I’ll admit that sometimes I click through and do my own little quiz, but the level of self-absorption you would need to post this sort of content and think anyone is paying attention to your outcomes and not just immediately thinking about themselves. Delete the evidence immediately! Burn after reading! Do not let anyone know that your insecurities run so deep you look to barely programmed app effects to reaffirm your self-worth.
Why would I need or want to know that Montanna for Queens (inexplicably with 35k followers) is passive-aggressive, always late and owns a Oodie. Then I can scroll on to find out that she is also a Bingo from Bluey and going to find the love of their life in a pub 10 years from now. Must we share everything?
By the time I finished writing this, I think the algorithm has largely moved on but my fear is that the internet really has nowhere else to go and all human knowledge will be distilled into brief personality quizzes based on pretty pictures.
Rating: 3/20 tik tok is dead. Long live Buzzfeed.
The Food
I’ve been going for a lot of walks in different towns and there is something that has been flying under the radar for too long. The aroma radius of a KFC. It’s absolutely stinking out these towns. For BLOCKS (which can sometimes be all there is). It may not be as widely discussed as that Subway Italian Herb and Cheese smell but I can guarantee that it lingers for longer. You just know as well that you are going to hit a point with it where the once tantalizing aroma starts turning your stomach. How can one man make just 11 herbs and spices smell so pungent?
When we only have five senses with which we can enjoy a wander around a city (four if you still the warning “look with your eyes, not your hands), it seems almost unreasonable to let one dominate so excessively. Smell is the gateway to the memory, so is that the thing that makes each individual town, so enjoyable at the time you visit, blur together so instantly the moment you leave. I would love to be able to hold onto each individual memory for longer without the images of Colnol Sanders farting out his noxious scent.
That being said, maybe its the image that is more prevalent than the smell and my senses are messing with me once again?
Rating: 13/20 the only thing I want to be finger lickin’ good is the KFC itself, not the air around me.
The Social Stuff
I’ve been spending a lot of my downtime browsing rentals on real estate.com lately because my partner and I want a cat and we don’t want to lose that cat to a 10-story fall. But there is absolutely nowhere that I can afford that has, at a minimum, a kitchen that’s been updated since the 80s.
And even though it is exciting to be born in a time of dwindling excess and ongoing/competing crises (housing, climate, pandemic etc) - there is somewhat of a sense that life right now might be a bit of a raw deal. I keep seeing comments about how shit the younger generations are because they are just putting up with it and not taking to the streets in protest.
And sure protesting sounds great, but the reality of a physical protest, when it’s impossible to know how to even start tackling the issue and you are already struggling to find even a spare second to relax amidst the constant panic and anxiety. It just seems unlikely. Why would I add an additional anxiety of being in a crowd and not being able to hear into the mix? I get so in my head when things start getting shouted and everyone around is screaming back in agreement but I don’t know what we are agreeing with and suddenly it’s a ticking the “do you agree with the terms and conditions” situation and hoping for the best all over again.
I get worried that the situation has escalated beyond a point that I’m comfortable with and there are flashbacks to Mum offering to buy a 50c cone, me asking for a Mcflurry, negotiations stalling and ending up with a whole lot of nothing all round. And if I’m being brutally honest at this point I usually tap out and head to McDonalds for an ice cream to reward myself for going at all. Most likely just contributing to the issue and ending up in a constant cycle of never doing enough as everything stays largely the same.
Rating: 9/20 The McDonald’s protest paradox is something to think about for sure.
The Miscellaneous Stuff
Sorry, everyone! I’m giving up everything and buying Anne of Cleeves House.
This was a really cute game to procrastinate by avoiding procrastination and writing something.
A really interesting article that shows rejection might sometimes be happening for good reason (not because the world is against you).
Love these pictures of the Bonnacon. The greatest medieval animal that kills with farts.
I will shout it from the rooftops. Australia needs to embrace the diner. We’d absolutely get around these ‘disco fries’.
Loved this archives of graphic design.
Really loved this Beer ad in Orange too:
Don’t we all just want to be a man and his dalmation watching the joint footy/keno.
Rating: 13/20 cute little selection
Final Rating (44/100)
Ooooft! Maybe one of our lowest scores yet. To be fair this edition has been written in fits and starts across the Country, so perhaps my schedule is the only thing to blame. I hope you enjoyed reading it though. I really want my next solo hour of comedy to be about cities so I guess this might be the start of trying to figure that stuff out.
If you did like it, please share this with a friend or on your socials. It is always a treat whenever I get a new Prude signing up. Also the title related to nothing in this newsletter but I was in Orange when I wrote it and thought about shaving my legs but it was so cold here I chickened out.
See you in a fortnight. I like you like crazy x