Good morning my Prudie babies! Welcome to the newsletter, I hope you sang the title to the tune of ‘I want to break free’. I am writing this all in a mad rush on Saturday between a million gigs and work commitments. The type of busy that really makes you think “how am I still poor though?!”.
But you, you are reading I shaved my legs for…THIS?! the newsletter explores the theory that shaving your legs or putting in that bit of extra effort should translate to having an above-average day. To test this theory I (semi) critically review every shave and the subsequent day/week/experiences and give it all a rating out of 100. Any day that scores higher than a 75 was definitely worth the shave and hopefully worth you reading about.
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The Shave
Very busy, very tried. Managed to shave my legs after experiencing two mega hot days in a row. Telling myself that the inch-long fur actually helped insulate my body temperature and keep me cooler. My bigger issue at the moment is that I seem to have lost every pair of tweezers that I own and my eyebrows are running rampant across my face. They are in dire need of a tidy up from Jims Mowing, or something equally full strength. Can you imagine how popular a tool a tiny eyebrows whipper snipper would be? Let’s get that going.
Rating: 10/20 the shave was good, but why must the hair insist on growing BACK?!
The Content
I binge-watched the latest season of Selling Sunset at a speed that was truly upsetting, it was so bright and fun and insane and I simply could. not. stop. Despite having a tonne of friends that also watch the show, I immediately partook in my favourite pass time, reading the takes of strangers on the internet. Nothing makes you feel more ‘part of the conversation’ than searching selling sunset on Twitter and then being one of the 12 likes on a post from a rando that you agree with.
My issues with this near-perfect season are many and varied and include the following:
Two new characters that confirm the weird vibes of Brett and Jason who seem to think attractive women that know the word ‘escrow’ is the only way you can sell a $4 million 2 bedroom house with 18 bathrooms.
Bringing in ‘Vanessa’ who is meant to be some sweeter than pie angel doing real estate for her dead sister but is largely just a messenger between Christine and the rest of the girls was a wild move. Nothing like someone who ‘hates drama’ starting literally all of the drama.
Emma is boring/delusional and I can simply not imagine a world where her vegan cheeseburger empanada business, surely offensive to numerous groups, is successful. This is especially true when you learn this is the website and the pricing is $129 for 36 empanadas and the Instagram shows a minimum of 3 per person as a side to a FULL MEAL.
Chrishell and Mary are both absolutely losing the plot and I simply cannot wait for the giant fallout after the relationship is revealed next season. I hope it’s at a dog birthday party.
Could Christine please remain more villainous? I do not want to feel sorry for you and it is annoying you think this is an angle worth pursuing.
Heather is the best and using the big pink balloons to test view block out was a stroke of absolute flamboyant genius.
Rating: 20/20 if you have any of your own thoughts, please feel free to comment and share as long as they are consistent with my own
The Food
Coffee has been a big theme for me the last few weeks. One of the many luxuries I allow myself, is a monthly Market Lane coffee bean subscription, which I then use in a drip coffee maker so I can pretend each morning that I am in an American Diner. Absolutely luxurious stuff.
But during lockdown I cancelled the coffee subscription, not as a price cutting measure, but more in absolute fury that my coffee which was posted from the next suburb over took more than a month to arrive. This was a significant problem because I was buying my coffee pre-ground. So it was getting more and more stale by the minute. They might as well have been sending me a bag of dust! I thought to myself, if you want a job done right you have to do it yourself.
Anyway I immediately came crawling back because going and getting it myself was simply too much to deal with. Then I had to wait for the next postage run to pay for my sins of abandonment, so I sent my boyfriend to the Market Lane coffee vending machine and he came back with WHOLE beans. Long story short, I got a coffee ginder from office works (who knew?!) and now my life is immeasurably better.
Rating: 20/20 freshly ground coffee is the sweetest of treats
The Social Stuff
Last Saturday I had to weave my way through a city filled with protesters knocking off after a big day on the tools to get to my 5pm gig at Comedy Republic. There is a good article from John Safran on the complex stories at play behind the protesters currently in the misc stuff section if you are keen to read it. The thing I really don’t understand is the whole ‘do your own research’ angle because as someone who has dedicated a significant amount of my time to research, I can simply think of nothing worse than having to research this stuff for free (plus most research, including my own, is bad research more interested in telling a certain story than providing facts).
The real issue for me was the whole time I was weaving through the city, which was much busier than I’ve seen it for a long time, was that I kept having flashbacks to a time when I was walking down Swanson Street and a woman walking past, slowed, pointed at my crotch and just said ‘camel toe’ and kept walking. That is the type of thing that will really stick with a girl. It’s always something I forget to check until all the tags have been removed from the jeans and they are totally un-returnable. Anyway, I have a new pair of jeans with this issue and the comments on these ‘Braza Camel not Camel Toe Covers’ has me hesitating on whether it’s even worth addressing this issue - could just be creating a whole new disaster.
Rating: 0/20 you can be in a crowd, as long as you don’t call out my pet camel toe
The Miscellaneous Stuff
Victor eats everything from Popeyes in what continues to be my favourite online content genre.
How long would it take to find Sally Rooney in this bookshop?
A lets draw together podcast for if you want to do something creative
On creating art that isn’t popular
Why being single is so freaking expensive
A good piece from John Safran on the complexity behind the bill protests
I will read any succession content, especially this article on Adrien Brody’s layers.
A sucker for these tiny love stories.
Suddenly want to live in a house with private cable car access (and fear death everytime I use it)
Rating: 17/20 the last link doing some real heavy lifting here, but I enjoyed them all.
Final Rating (67/100)
Ooooo we didn’t make it, yet again. Not surprising, your girl gets mighty cranky when she is over tired. Someone asked me the other day if I actually get up and post these at 7am on a Sunday morning, and as sorry as I am to break the illusion, to answer to that is a resounding no. This shit is on a timer baby, and whether finished or not, it will be sent out so that it is in your hot little hands by the time you awake.
Anyway, I don’t have the time or energy to do a list of upcoming gigs, but keep an eye out on my insta for some good ones. I also wholeheartedly recommend you come to Deathbed Comedy at the one off time of 8pm this Wednesday for just $10.
Otherwise I will see you in just two short weeks, for a very special pre-Christmas edition. If you liked the newsletter please tell a mate about it. I am trying to take over the world one inbox at a time.