Welcome to my newsletter! I LOVE that you are here. You seem really cool and also attractive and interesting!
What’s the newsletter about you ask? Well, it’s I shaved my legs for…THIS?! the newsletter exploring the theory that shaving your legs or putting in that bit of extra effort should translate to having an above-average day. To test this theory I (semi) critically review every shave and the subsequent day/week/experiences and give it all a rating out of 100. Any day that scores higher than a 75 was definitely worth the shave and hopefully worth you reading about.
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The Shave
Ugh, I got out of the shower, thought I could get away without shaving my legs looked in and turned the shower right back on to get the job done. I couldn’t have my leg hair messing up the delicate lines of my new white cords, especially not on the night of our Anniversary. Sometimes shaving is just yet another reminder of the many ways your body can fail you.
Rating: 10/20 points for getting back in there are taking one for the team
The Content
9/10 times I will comfort watch an old movie rather than take a chance on something new and true to form When Harry Met Sally will be going on for the 10 millionth time tonight. The other night, I took a chance/settled on a date night watching Seth Rogens’ new movie ‘An American Pickle’. Truly the Borat/Bill and Ted crossover no one knew they needed.
There is nothing more pleasing to me than when one actor plays two parts, though I struggle to think of any other movies where I’ve enjoyed it that aren’t the parent trap. There is just something about the one actor/two roles dynamic that at once makes you very aware and impressed by the fact they are Acting with a capital A and also means you can somehow still like one of them more than the other? I say this because stylish modern man Ben (Seth Rogen) was very hot compared to old time-y Herschel (also Seth Rogen).
This movie also had a good go at calling people ‘stupid’ as an insult and saying pickle as many times as possible. Both apparently exactly my sense of humour. Anyway it was a cute will they/won’t they be best friends and family members and I recommend for a
In other news, I also made this playlist for the fortnightly gig I help run Deathbed Comedy, provided here for your listening pleasure:
Rating: 20/20 a double vision score for a double acted movie.
The Food
I went to a restaurant in Collingwood recommended by THE one and only Nigella Lawson. This included having her recommended Pigs Head sanga, in what is either an affront to vegans or a slightly more acceptable way to consume meat by going all-in on the animal? Either way, as I have come to expect from Nigella it was pure decadence baby.
Nigella has so rarely steered me wrong, except for when I misguidedly tried to cook dinner in my dressing gown. The feeling you get when some bubbling red sauce splashes on your tit while you are cooking a red sauce in your share house is certainly something… but it is not quite as woman in charge of her body and how she nourishes it as you would hope.
Rating: 20/20 word of warning, Nigella fans, you’re going to want to be careful biting into that sanga - it will squirt.
The Social Stuff
I’ve been out and about a bit, thank god seeing as we are back in lockdown. The other day I was swanning around town feeling like a lady in charge. If I had a high pony, it would have been swinging behind me like a luxurious thoroughbred pony's tail. Just as God intended. I even thought to myself ‘I am truly happy’, life is going alright for me right now.
Even when I was plagued by bump ins with mutual friends of an ex-boyfriend for an entire week. But even that resulted in this incredible, ney unheard of, occurrence:
Unfortunately though, much like I don’t know how not to listen to music when I am not pining after an unrequited love, I also don’t know how to socialize when I have nothing to complain about?
Rating: 20/20 nothing feels better than being completely over an ex (or 80% over them which is as over anything as I have ever been) and having something to complain about again.
The Miscellaneous Stuff
I have SO MANY links for you. Ahhhhhh, here we go:
I just want to cuddle up in these round gardens in Copenhagen.
Lets watch these and trick people into thinking we understand art.
Love this house! Not so sure I want to live in Sag Harbour for it though!
I’ve definitely had a DID (Disociative Identity order) tiktok phase.
For anyone else that can’t wait to be an old woman, even though it shouldn’t take that long to be appreciated.
A great essay from Naomi Osaka after all that backlash.
Yes to this profile of Jennifer Coolidge, who has come back into my field of attention after an ill-played snatch game choice.
Nice long article about the trends in lamp for your lockdown reading.
A meditative podcast about cereal
Radical acceptance aka something that seems completely impossible to master.
Some 23 year olds said they liked my playlist the other day, so I now desperately crave the kids to think I am cool.
The devil wears prada and the myth of the ‘big break’
Rating: 20/20 Lots of reads to entertain you. I’ve truly outdone myself.
Final Rating (90/100)
Hey now! Hey now?! Sing that to the tune of the song from the Lizzie McGuire movie please because we had a totally worth it day on our hands! Slightly unbelievable given the current circumstances, but then again I did write a lot of this newsletter while things were tickity boo.
I hope you are all doing well, wherever in the world you might be. I feel very lucky to have friends that are living lives overseas so that I can write impressive ‘I have prudes all over the world’ phrases like that with some level of genuine authenticity.
As always, if you enjoyed this newsletter please share it with a friend. I really love doing them and I can imagine the pressure of more people reading them might force me to improve the quality of my writing or just share some real quality personal gossip. See you in a fortnight, will do my best on the goss front. Stay cool, Prudes.