Rise and shine! Wakey wakey! What a lovely Sunday morning with a day full of promise.
Welcome to I shaved my legs for…THIS?! The newsletter exploring the theory that shaving your legs or putting in that bit of extra effort should translate to having an above-average day. To test this theory I critically review every shave and the subsequent day and give the entire day a rating out of 100. Any day that scores higher than a 75 was definitely worth the shave and hopefully worth you reading about.
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The Shave (10/20)
Slowly getting the hang of the new shower. We’ve got the pressure down, the heat, the easy move between the standard standing position and seated shaving position. I did nick myself on the ankle and then got blood all over my freshly washed bathmat, which was an absolute bummer. Not least because I spent way too much on a cold picnic bathmat to begin with, and didn’t even get the cute one with boobies. Please know if you did click through, I purchased my bathmat on sale. I’m not made of disposable income!
The Content (20/20)
I’ve been watching Soulmates on Amazon Prime, which is basically an entire season of only the romantic episodes of Black Mirror. Co-incidentally the only episodes I have watched (San Junipero, Hang the DJ) because I just really don’t enjoy leaving my limited free time feeling bleak. Soulmates is the perfect balance of cynical and yet full of hope, based in a not-too-distant future where there is a test you can take to reveal your soulmate. The show explores the impact of ‘the test’ on a different couple each episode and essentially boils down to an exploration of choice. Is it better to make your own choice and trust in you or put your trust in something bigger, like fate or an algorithm.
Obviously, I loved it. But it did make me think about my ongoing conflict between wanting to be an innovator at the fore of change and being scared of change completely. My younger lover is, as the kids say, very bullish on Bitcoin and he struggles with my slow uptake and ability to 'get with the program’. But the thing is, I’ve never been quick to embrace change. It took me like 7 years to finally figure out tampons, another 3 to figure out that the constant fear of toxic shock just wasn’t worth it and then 2 more years to finally move over to a moon cup.
Besides the only coin I’m interested in is Bitchcoin, aka any money I make being a lil comedy bitch and can spend on luxury bath mats as I damn well please.
Just a joke, just a joke. All my love and respect to Bitcoin and can’t wait to be rich in the tech-based future (for homewares and a machine gun leg like planet terror).
The Food (18/20)
I’ve been trying very hard to stave off a depressive episode and to keep myself from becoming emotionally reliant on the chips from the kebab shop downstairs.
Honestly though, these chips are transcendent. I’ve never had a better or more consistent hot chip in my life and to add further joy, when I buy them we always get free special sauce with them. When my partner buys them we only sometimes get the free special sauce. This is a damn shame because it is mostly him making the long trek down in our rickety elevators.
These chips though are golden and glorious, always fresh and with the perfect amount of chicken salt (lots). A mix of some covered in those tasty chicken-y crystals and others that are almost underseasoned for when your mouth needs a break. Each chip has that perfect golden and crispy outer shell with the soft fluffy potato underneath. Just enough crunch to satisfy that desire, but ultimately offering that pillowy soft chip experience.
Points lost this week only because I couldn’t eat these chippies every night. To substitute I made some great Chow Mien and some ginger/pea/egg fried rice both from Hetti McKinnon’s cook book ‘To Asia With Love’.
The Social Stuff (8/20)
I’ve started being invited to live gigs again and I have realised that I need to confront my secret shame…live music does nothing for me. I want you to see it, of course! Support the arts! But for me, it is just a stressful experience not worth the late night out.
And it doesn’t make sense because music is so great, musicians have a talent I envy more than any other and I love listening to the only 3 songs I like at the moment on repeat endlessly. But live music is just so expensive and it leaves me feeling flat.
Maybe I don’t like it because when I was a teen the primary musical experience my mum was willing to offer was seeing Bruce Springsteen live. This is an offer I refused to take up even once, my brother did go on three separate occasions. It really is a shame for him that he still isn’t the favourite child. Or maybe I don’t like it because I was once at a gig with a very tall ex-boyfriend who was hanging back because of his tallness. I reached behind me to give his leg a cheeky little squeeze and slipped my finger through hole in his jeans for a little fingering action. It was at that moment that I remembered my boyfriend was wearing very ugly pants with no holes in them and I wasn’t feeling up my ex-boyfriend at all. I was feeling up my new boyfriend. It’s just that easy folks!
The Miscellaneous Stuff (20/20)
Draw icebergs. Have fun.
Watching The Dawn Wall and being completely blown away
A Tucci cooking show! My prayers have been answered.
Two of my favourite things, habbo hotel and scams
Essential information just in case we are close to the end of society as we know it but we don’t want to give up Wi-Fi in the new world.
Writers, the deadline and our contracts with them.
Think I am missing every type of rest possible.
TW: Some really smart and honest writing about the experience of Rape. Things we need to be exposed to so people don’t keep asking the same dumbass questions.
A great tool for when you are in that shame spiral, ‘Am I part of the problem?’
The case against performative positivity
PROMO TIME
You got some money burning a hole in your pocket and a drive to support the arts? Time to buy tickets to my Melbourne International Comedy Festival shows!
For my lovers of excellent stand-up and power dressing, please come to Breast of the Fest to see my very very best 10 minutes of material plus 10-minute sets from some other wonderful comics and good people. Tickets are between $25 - 35 and the show runs from 25 March until 4 April (no Wednesdays and no Prue on Saturdays).
And for those that prefer something a little loose and a little later at night. My good friend Darcy Fleming and I will be hosting The Night Cap a late-night show for anyone that wants to stay out and see one more show that’s cosy, comfy and full of heart. Each show will have four great comedians telling their most gorgeous and entertaining stories and I would absolutely love to see you there. We are even looking at making a custom aromatherapy blend for the night!
You can also catch me on 3RRR as the Friday Funny Bugger this Friday at 7:45.
Final Rating (76/100)
Well well well, looks like we made it over the line yet again. A big improvement on the last newsletter that’s for sure. I’ve got a busy couple of weeks so its going to be a slog but i’ll try my best to keep pushing it into at least the 80s. This will be hugely dependent on how all the gigs I have lined up go, so if you wanted to come and laugh at one (maybe even Voltaire tonight?) that would be more than welcome.
Thanks as always for reading. You make my heart smile and life as we know it worth living. If you wanted to give this newsletter a like/share it with your friends/ or leave a little comment about your undying devotion to my comedy, that would all be most welcome.