I am officially on the road! Touring for a month in regional WA. Perhaps I will do this whole newsletter as a stream of consciousness, like a comedy Jack Kerouac. And just like reading Kerouac, you will be completely within reason to complain about the fact that nothing ever happens. It’s all part of the deal and I for one am thrilled to have you along for the ride.
You are reading the latest edition of I shaved my legs for…THIS?! The newsletter explores my theory that shaving your legs or putting in that bit of extra effort should translate to having an above-average day. To test this theory I critically review every shave and the subsequent day/week/experiences and give it all a rating out of 100. Any day that scores higher than a 75 was definitely worth the shave.
And if you are new, please subscribe below to be part of something massive.
The Shave
I’m shaving in motels. Awkwardly bending over at the waist from a standing position. Questioning my choice to not wear my sandals into the shower. Is it an act of hubris to think that I am immune to athlete’s foot or other human fungal infections? I think probably yes but it is an act I will continue to indulge in until proven otherwise.
Hopefully the world doesn’t take that as a challenge.
Rating: 10/20 a few points for the novelty, but points off for forgetting to shave my toes and noticing later on when I wore my sandals outside.
The Content
I was at a loss for what to do the other afternoon in my free time between a long car journey and a show. I had got myself all ready to go for a walk, only to open the door and find that the weather had turned very ugly indeed.
So instead I opted for good old-fashioned entertainment. Did I read one of the 6 or 7 books I’ve compiled for the exact purpose of entertaining me on this trip? Absolutely not. I put on a movie. I didn’t have too long to choose and having already seen Ticket to Paradise the other day in a post-comedy festival comedown (loved) I made a sudden call to go for Cha Cha Real Smooth.
Which was the first movie in AGES that truly hooked me. I wasn’t enjoying it from a distance while playing on my phone like with Ticket to Paradise. I was truly engaged in the story. Of course, it was a story about the recklessness of unrequited love in your 20s. Which is I would say, one of the key themes of my own life.
It was one of those movies I had to look up afterwards and I was so stunned and impressed to see the lead actor also wrote and directed the film and is the same age as my younger brother. Suddenly my crippling jealousy snuck in and I decided he must be a nepotism hire and thus his accomplishments are not to be celebrated. Plus the movie had Dakota Johnson in it who is I would say, THE face of Hollywood nepotism (I had to delete the term nepo baby from this because it was too upsetting).
Anyway this all had a happy ending, Dakota was alone in the famous family stakes and we can all sleep easy, if slightly more motivated to hustle, than before.
Rating: 20/20 for a movie that I enjoyed but will do no further investigation of in case it gets ruined.
The Food
There is nothing like that feeling at the start of a tour or holiday where you are really enjoying having a cooked breakfast every morning. Nothing says “on holiday” like bacon, eggs and a side of hashbrowns. I’ve had two so far across a total of four days. I’m disappointed in myself that I haven’t gone harder.
The results have been mixed. I can’t lie that the hashbrown is doing a lot of the heavy lifting (and will only be omitted in the case that something paranormal has taken over my body or I’ve been involved in a body swap incident). But it is incredible how many ways there are to scramble an egg.
Even in my insignificant little sample, I’ve had both powdery little crumbles and luxurious creamy folded eggs. The jury might still be out on whether the former was ever eggs at all. But both the eggs, no matter the texture or the level of enjoyment experienced were able to sustain me throughout the day and isn’t that what really counts?
Also, the second set of eggs was in a motel buffet where an elderly man blatantly snatched my toast from the machine right in front of me abandoning his terrible burnt piece and that sense of ferocious competition might have been the thing that made the eggs really shine.
Rating: 16/20 interested to see how much longer I will be rating this so highly and not yearning for my regular multi-grain toast and marmite.
The Social Stuff
My family love a road trip. Why get somewhere quickly when you can get there slowly by car? I can’t say I don’t see the appeal. It’s nice to feel the miles slip by underneath your own set of wheels but there was a constant refrain on all of our road trips that sticks with me…
“You need to get your nose out of that book and appreciate the scenery”
Why?? Why must I watch every second of the relentlessly unchanging scenery as we drive along? Surely a few glances every so often is enough? I’ve got the gist! Of course, I’ll be upset if you don’t rouse me out of my novel to look at a cow or something but that’s all part of the fun.
Getting a chance to read an actual book is something that should not be taken likely. I would rather feel that I have achieved something productive than allow my thoughts to turn increasingly melancholy as I take in the landscape. Surely watching some dry trees zoom past quickly is not going to stay with me for the rest of my life.
Besides I am a town planner and to be a town planner is to believe in cities. You have to think that man conquered nature and if a city isn’t working it is simply because man didn’t conquer nature hard enough…Or the mayor got so bored of everything working perfectly they elected to have a giant robot stamp out half the town sim city style.
Rating: 20/20 others will try and tear you down for the skills they are jealous of, but you must stand strong.
The Miscellaneous Stuff
There is no sight quite as Miscellaneous as The World’s Tallest Bin:
A very detailed history of the ‘it girl’.
A really beautiful piece of writing on that feeling of ‘Is this it?’ (and it probably is).
How I’ll be performing my next show?
Like this vintage milk cap design (seeing a lot of stuff like this on the walls in regional Perth)
An absolutely insane profile for Elizabeth ‘Liz’ Holmes who might actually manage putting off going to jail forever?
Rating: 14/20 A solid effort. Hard to get more miscellaneous than the world’s tallest bin.
Final Rating (80/100)
A WORTH IT DAY!! I’m sure no one was expecting that after we started with Athlete’s Foot, but there you go. You never know quite what life is going to throw at you. Just when you think you are too tired to bring it all together you make that one choice that turns it all around.
I’m very proud to have got you this edition from on the Road, lets hope I can pull it out of the bag again next time!
If you liked this newsletter, please share it on your socials or with a friend that might like it. The more people that I can have reading this (or mostly ignoring it in their inbox for more pressing tasks), the better.
See you in two weeks xx