Shave, Wild and Free
I shaved my legs for...THIS?! Newsletter #7
Hey! It’s me, Melbourne comedian and writer Prue Blake. I have a theory that shaving your legs or putting in that bit of extra effort, should translate to having an above-average day. I’m testing this theory by critically reviewing every or most days where a shave is had and giving them a rating out of 100. Any day that scores higher than a 75 was definitely worth the shave (whether the effects were direct or more…indirect). As an added bonus, it’s in sections!! So if one section isn’t tickling your fancy, why not give a different one a whirl?
This newsletter comes fortnightly and so can you, if you subscribe right now that is.
The Shave (14/20)
A middle of the day shave in a desperate attempt to feel anything at all about all the new freedoms. Tried something different and completed my shave from a standing position, instead of my usual excuse for sitting down in the shower. Not a fan. Very hard to balance and an even worse job than usual over the knees. On the plus side it did mean that instead of blocking the drain with my butt and flooding the bathroom, the floor was able to remain pretty dry! Surely that’s worth some points.
Thinking I am going to have to continue mixing up my shaving techniques up to keep this section interesting. If you have any wisdom or suggestions, chuck it in the comments and I will give your technique a critical review.
The Content (14.5/20)
Seeing as last newsletter we celebrated my birthday (sans ageing) the content this week is heavily focused on books. This link might not seem immediately clear, but I received a sizeable stack of books as gifts and I will feel endlessly guilty about this as I put off reading them indefinitely. My reading list now consists of Exciting Times by Naoise Dolan, How to Eat a Peach by David Chang, Rodham by Curtis Sittenfeld and Untamed by Glennon Doyle. That last book, with the tagline ‘stop pleasing, start living’ was a lovely gift and also a knife straight to my heart. Best friends know exactly how to hit you where you are most vulnerable and you gotta love em for it (by returning the favour).
On a related note, fingers crossed that gigs return soon so I may please again and continue to fill the empty void inside of me. I need it back so I can finally stop having the recurring sex dream that plagues me - comedians I admire. Naked on top of me. Holding my shoulders. Looking deep into my eyes and repeatedly saying “you’re so funny. You’re so funny”.
I also spent this day listening to the audiobook of Ghosts by Dolly Alderton. Loved her first memoir ‘Everything I Know About Love’ and had high hopes for the first non-fiction novel. Instead, I found myself hanging out with a slightly updated Carrie Bradshaw whose modernisation had made her meaner and more unlikable? The witty takedowns of her ‘friends’ and lovers came off more bitter than a chicory and/or endive salad. The thing that really irked me though is that she wrote about ghosting in a way that involved the offender returning to the scene of the crime to deal with the emotional consequences. Quite frankly an impossible idea, even for fiction. However, please don’t mistake this for a negative review, because I did listen to it almost non-stop for a day and a half.
Finally, on the book front, I finished The Dutch House, which was a truly delightful read about a house that is Dutch.
The Food (17.5/20)
Today was a real treat foodwise. Or turned into a treat due to my massive lack of will power. I started off all right. Made some matcha chia pudding (matcha powder, maple syrup, almond/coconut milk and chia seeds) the night before to have with cubes of mango. No offence to chia pudding, but I did read somewhere that one of its major selling points is that it is like a scrubbing brush for your colon. And for the consistency that it offers, it would bloody want to be. Anyway, I dolloped some of this now extremely dense frog spawn into my bowl and decided I wouldn’t spend a whole mango on this adventure. I’m having one cheek on the goo that has promised to kiss every inch of my colon on its way out and the other cheek was getting the Tajin (this is NOT candy) treatment. You know something is good if it needs to declare vocally that it is not candy.
Also went out for an official dining experience in an official and very legitimate restaurant. Of course, they were walk-in only so did I have to prepare a full picnic as a backup plan to not be left starving and unmoored out on Melbourne’s newly free and seemingly lawless streets. After I managed to snag a table they did then inform me that even though my eating was now appropriately elevated, they were only serving picnics. No matter. Simultaneous nibbles for dinner and acceptance to the adult table has been my dream since I was but a wee girl.
The Social Stuff (17/20)
The social calendar is slowly hotting up and of course, I was enjoying getting drunk in public, in a refined indoor way, with a friend. This allowed for the sharing of the decision I have made during lockdown that I am going to rely on tarot rather than therapy from here on out.
Okay, hear me out. I just think it makes everything so much more efficient. Going to therapy is like staying with friends while you're on holiday. Amazing for the first bit, but if you stay too long one party will become deeply and irreversibly aware of the flaws of the other. And the worst bit is, its not always the therapist.
With Tarot, you don’t need to spend all of that time diving into the wrongdoings of your parents parenting. Instead, you get to look at a lovely picture of a woman in a fountain and decide it means you will have great success. As an added bonus, you can’t make other people go to therapy, but you can force them to listen to your tarot card reading that depicts their flaws and failings (as the cards perceive them, of course). Even better, you can disregard a therapist but who are they to mess with fate?
And I am not the only one thinking this, as a recent episode of The Cut also explored the wisdom of Tarot. Even if their conclusions were a little different:
The Miscellaneous Stuff (20/20)
An oldie, but can aesthetic ant farms ever truly age?
Direct and pure happiness, straight into the veins.
The joke is…he’s a common kitchen sponge. When bad ideas become good or the history of Spongebob.
Will be doing this every day until I have arms like an Obama (Barack).
Check out new podcast ‘the Daisy Diaries’ where comedians Cat Finch and Daisy Webb bravely examine the impacts that transitioning (and other changes) have on their relationship.
The perfect website for when you need the dimensions of men pushing strollers side on and also some existential advice
Sign up for the newsletter ‘If I were in…’ which despite the first edition I can only imagine will be an ongoing source for all the ways comedian Peter Jones is likely to die in every horror movie
So you are STILL being publicly shamed - new review on a must-read book
Final Rating (83/100)
83! Another well and truly worth it day. Is it possible I’m not the moody cynic I once thought and maybe just love life?! I mean I can only see it getting better than this. By the time my next shave comes around we could have said goodbye to trump and I might have had my first gig back in months. On the other hand, I am due for a very expensive car service and the world is deeply unjust. So lets not count our chickens before they hatch. See you in a fortnight as we continue to investigate the value of leg shavings and other bits of effort. Once we hit double digits I might even start doing a graph!
Tarot rather than therapy is truly inspired