Melbourne comedian and writer, Prue Blake (me, hello!) has a theory that shaving your legs or putting in that bit of extra effort, should translate to a better day on average. I’m testing this theory by critically reviewing each shave day and rate them out of 100. Any day that scores higher than a 75 was definitely worth the shave (whether the effects were direct or more…indirect. I know you are hooked on this hot premise and will definitely want to follow this fascinating experiment, so here is a nice lil button to help you subscribe!
The Shave (12/20)
Honestly don’t remember this shave, so logic follows that it must have been good. Or good enough at least. I know it was a bare legs day so we’ll boost the score to slightly above average.
I also have to admit, as some readers have expressed concern about my shave frequency, that sometimes I do sneak an extra shave in. I have been taking the shave I decide has more content, so the experiment still feels robust to me.
The Content (16/20)
Pretty sure I have talked before about experimenting with listening to music again. For a long time, I felt like “why listen to music and feel emotions when you can listen to a podcast and tune out completely?” Apologies for that thought to my friends that are podcast hosts. This opinion made a lot more sense when talking to Gran on the phone recently and she said:
“I always used to say, there is only room for one mood in this house and its MINE”
Really felt how the phrase has trickled down through my family to create a system of complete emotional repression. Anyway, this was all to say I started listening to the new Fleet Foxes album and it was great. Particularly great to enjoy the first song and then not really bother differentiating any of the others.
Anyway, have a listen while you read the rest of this business, hopefully, it won’t make you all weepy.
The Food (13/20)
I’ve been pretty nervous around food at the moment. My ride or die brand of butter changed the colour of the tub from light yellow to navy. Fine, cool, a change is as good as a holiday blah blah. Except with each scrape of butter (from the top, not digging out chunks like a maniac), some navy blue plastic would come as well. This was a mild nuisance and I continued to happily go about my existence just picking the visible plastic bits out. THEN big butter changed the tub colour back to the traditional light yellow. A move that seemed like it solved the problem. Until… you start questioning whether the little bits of plastic are still there but now, butter coloured. Really makes me laugh imagining some corporate fat cat going, well we weren’t getting complaints when the tub was yellow, change it back and bingo bango, jobs done. If we were lucky some youngone might have offered a rebuttal. Something like ‘but sir, we know that the structural integrity of our packaging is compromised’ only to be met with a dismissive wave and the matter considered resolved.
Anyway, this was a long way of saying I had toast for breakfast.
In further food news, I can now reveal the secret for getting that Grill’d chips flavour at home: herbs de provence. Nothing like going to all the effort of roasting a chicken, only to have both your housemates walk in and ask why you didn’t tell them you were getting Grill’d tonight. Regardless, the chicken with a grilled tiny lettuce salad was tasty and I’ll be revealing the KFC secret 11 herbs and spices as early as next newsletter.
The Social Stuff (14/20)
All I do at the moment is online shop for houses, and albeit lifestyles, I could never afford. Surely life would be better and I would be more productive if I was stuck somewhere else 22/7.
This house in West Hobart was my favourite this week. Obviously, for once I no longer want to go and do comedy gigs every night (please come back gigs) and maybe need a nice, potentially haunted spot to write my erotic memoirs. I can sit on the balcony with a bottle of red wine and quietly judge the people walking past and whether or not I believe their sex lives to be adequate. A house must-have in my opinion.
Now, bonus points for the paint choices in general once you have a look inside, but in particular this spectacular kitchen. Anyone who can afford to purchase this house should have to sign a contract to not change a single thing about it.
I guess I should also say that this is in the social category because I make my partner do it with me. Nice to have a brief break from watching movies and we are between TV shows right now. Tried to watch Sharp Objects but it was a little too much self loathing for the moment. Are there other (wholesome) activities available to couples right now? We tried to do a puzzle but honestly, it was just so hard. Show me a puzzle with crystal clear print resolution and maybe then I will be interested.
The Miscellaneous Stuff (16/20)
Store bought is fine for bringing my love of the much-maligned Julie and Julia the chance of an Ina Garten based sequel. Much like the original, I’m mostly interested in the Ina/Jefferey love story.
The newsletter I wish I had started that has a much better version of this weeks content, content: ‘I Know a Spot’
Thanks to the trailer for Save Yourself for the shave pun ideas and for reminding me of the joy of sitting and watching trailers for hours in your post-shower towel.
Is it time to stop asking diverse writers to tell you about their lives? Let diverse authors also pen meaningful prose about their nostalgia for childhood, general mental health issues and opinions on how bad Emily in Paris was.
You can eat shit if you don’t read this article: Shit-eating
Barbie malibu pink is the new cerulean blue
I like my desserts how I like my, uh, desserts: not too sweet
Final Rating (71/100)
Wow. We were close, but today just didn’t quite hit those worth it levels. This proves to me how objectively well I am applying my rating system, because it absolutely didn’t deserve to be called a worth it day. I mean you read wat I was working with. Shaving did not help nor hinder this day in my humble opinion. BUT, we are moving into the summer months, I’m no longer spending all my time inside studying and we might still be able to turn this thing around by Christmas (thanks to Dan Andrews for the suggestion of that hopeful timeframe).
If you enjoyed these thoughts or even the links to the thoughts of other people, please subscribe. I would love to have you here every fortnight! For the legendary prudes that have already subscribed, know that I love you so very much and I am really proud of you.