I am back from Sydney and absolutely full of it. ‘It’ being the happiness that comes with some time well spent that is. There is nothing like doing something new and different to get the juices flowing, in a hypothetical “I’ll be productive soon” way because I am also now tired and broke.
Anyway, welcome to I shaved my legs for…THIS?! This is the newsletter that explores the theory that shaving your legs or putting in that bit of extra effort should translate to having an above-average day. To test this theory I (semi) critically review every shave and the subsequent day/week/experiences and give it all a rating out of 100. Any day that scores higher than a 75 was definitely worth the shave.
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The Shave
I am trying to teach myself how to travel light again and to that end, I did not pack a razor in my carry on. This for some reason was about the only thing I skimped on, without taking the piss like the woman on my flight who could not fit her luggage in the overhead locker without taking three jumpers out first (3 jumpers, for Sydney? In February??). And this was on a Qantas flight, she could have checked for free! Some people just love to make life a waking nightmare for everyone around them.
Anyway, I bought a disposable razor from 7/11 and can I tell you that janky little razor was the worse shave I have had in years. It hurt without cutting me. I needed to practically saw it back and forth to cut through the hair follicle. Dollar shave club should throw one in with your order every year or so, to help you remember the horrors they have saved you from.
Rating: 0/20 next time the razor will be priority number one and I might cut back on the 3 pairs of shoes I packed.
The Content
I am not watching Euphoria. This might be the first edition of content corner where we are actively not consuming the content. I would love to watch Euphoria, it sounds like people are really into it and I hate not being able to discuss the show that everyone is talking about. When I had my first week at Uni I was convinced I was going to be a huge hit socially because I would simply talk to everyone about what has been happening on Dexter. I will of course still gossip about whats wrong with Euphoria’s creator Sam Levinson, and how I think this season (that I have not seen) is worse than season 1 (which I also have not seen) because there wasn’t an existing story to adapt/rip off this time.
I feel like I might have talked about this in a newsletter before, but I simply no longer care about the struggles of teenagers. Especially teenagers that are much cooler than I would ever be. And even though looking like Cassie from Skins was my calling card for many a party in high school, those days are far behind me (I promise you though, I was never ‘quirky’).
Ultimately though, I just don’t want to bring that sort of intensity into my life. I also felt a lot of emotions as a teen, but luckily as an adult those have pretty much evened out to be just 3 weeks of PMS a month. As it should be. I will instead be playing Pokemon with Love is Blind or something equally trashy on in the background as it was meant to be.
Rating: 18/20 the euphoria of not having to watch every popular show, because they keep not staring Diane Keaton.
The Food
I took myself out for a decadent solo lunch at Cafe Paci while I was in Sydney. To give you some insight into my mental process, I was pretty conflicted between booking this fancy lunch that a friend recommended to me or travelling over an hour on public transport to try the burger chain Five Guys. The conflict being both the financial cost and whether I was in the right mind set/level of confidence to be empowered and eating alone at a restaurant or scoffing a burger without being noticed.
Luckily I chose the fancy lunch because I am nothing if not too lazy to plan a long public transport journey. This is my big tip for the week - there is nothing better than doing lunch at a fancy restaurant, especially when you can order what you want off the menu. Every tasting menu starts strong with absolute flavor bombs but inevitably ends with some good but not great roast meat. Why would I want the most amount of the least tasty thing? I want tiny bites the whole way through. Keep it fun, keep it fresh.
Beyond that, there is a supreme level of confidence/smugness that comes with dining alone, striking up a conversation with the person seated next to you and then having a better time than half the couples in the restaurant that are barely talking to each other. Maybe thats just my competitive nature, or need to prove that I am not as socially awkward as it feels when you spend all your time around nervous comics before open mic nights.
Rating: 20/20 dining alone is a treat and a dream.
The Social Stuff
I did a lot of walking in Sydney. Sure I had coffee and caught up with a few friends, but mostly I just wanted to spend the days on my own. Walking around until it got too hot and sweaty and then hiding in my hotel room at exactly the right time to inconvenience the housekeeping schedule. Luckily, even though I resented the fact my room didn’t get cleaned once, they did have an environmental program that meant I got $30 off my morning breakfast in bed via room service bill (I did it once, that was the whole bill).
But the problem with wanting to see a city by foot, is that this isn’t a nice autumn holiday. Its Sydney in the middle of the summer and that means you have to deal with the CHAFE. This wasn’t just any chafe either, it was the chafe to end all chafes. And I tried everything - deoderant on the thighs, bike shorts, jeans in the heat and even using Bandaid blister patches to help prevent the rub. None of it worked, in fact the blister bandaids made the whole situation a lot worse. I was walking around like a cowboy wishing my inner thighs would just leather up and become thick like a saddle already. And thats the worst thing about chafe, it doesn’t achieve anything! It needs to make up its mind already and either wittle the thighs down so they move freely past each other or build a nice thick callous. I’m okay with either, as long as it finally breaks the chafe cycle.
Rating: 0/20 Let me be free to walk without pain!
The Miscellaneous Stuff
Slutever is back! I think not called that anymore but still…
Time to play a game of good marketing or bad comedy poster?
Inside the world of the blurb.
I promise you one thing, I will never call myself a content creator.
Buffet viedos are the ultimate comfort watch.
Rating: 5/20 these links should all be nice, but I have been avoiding the internet at the moment.
Final Rating (43/100)
Ooooft some surprisinly low numbers considering I had such a good trip! But thats life I guess, and I think we can confidently claim it was the shaves fault on this one. I’ve really run out of steam here. If you want more of my rambling I guess you can listen to my podcast The Whorgans instead. Would love to have enough people listening to this so that when I search for it on Spotify, it isn’t just organ music that comes up.
If you enjoyed the newsletter, I would love it as always if you could share it. The more Prudes I have reading the better I promise the writing will be.
Also in promo corner, if you are looking for a show to see this Comedy Festival, I recommend buying a ticket to Comedy Zone. I’m hosting every night and it will be, an absolute cracker of a good time.
If you want to see a show earlier than that, you should definitely come to Deathbed Comedy this Wednesday at Club Voltaire.
Thanks my Prudes, catch you in two weeks!