Happy Sunday! Are you starting to feel like it’s a new year yet? I would love some of that fresh, let’s get to it energy but I still seem to be stuck in end-of-year slog mode. It’s amazing how hard it is to reset when you can’t afford a trip to the beach or more than the minimum time off work because you let comedy chew through all your leave.
Excitingly, I am working hard on my first hour-long stand-up show - Unfriended. I’ve been doing it alone in my room and it is very hard to shake the feeling that I’m regressing to my 10-year-old self putting on shows for my family. But it will be a fun time and if you my favourite prudes would like to come to any Wednesday, Thursday or Sunday shows you can use the code FRIENDLY for $5 off tickets (until they run out).
You are reading the latest edition of I shaved my legs for…THIS?! The newsletter explores my theory that shaving your legs or putting in that bit of extra effort should translate to having an above-average day. To test this theory I critically review every shave and the subsequent day/week/experiences and give it all a rating out of 100. Any day that scores higher than a 75 was definitely worth the shave.
If you aren’t subscribed, I would absolutely love it if you could.
The Shave
I had a shave so clean and so perfect, that I can’t remember it. The type of shave where you just find yourself wearing shorts the next day and don’t ever have a moment where you look down and see the sun catching on every spot you missed.
I was talking the other day about how when I was going out on dates, I would never shave before a first date (not legs, nor pubes) because it felt like any hint of expectation would ruin your chances and guarantee you a bad date. Plus if you actually have a spark no one is going to care or notice a little bit of body hair. So I guess this whole newsletter has been operating against my own wisdom this whole time.
Rating: 20/20 a good shave despite the entire newsletter premise crumbling around me.
The Content
I was forced to go see The Banshees of Inisherin, because how dare another piece of content enter into the friendship break-up space I have claimed for myself in 2023.
Did I enjoy the movie? Sure, It was both funny and tragic and had some lovely moments with a donkey. I found the ending to be quite romantic - in a ‘hate is not the opposite of love, indifference is’, kind of way.
It was also proof of what I’ve always suspected, cis men would rather destroy themselves than accept an uncomfortable truth. I also said this in my Instagram stories and someone thought I was talking about the movie Avatar so point proven. In this movie they also seem to feel things with an intensity akin to that of a teenage girl.
Rating: 15/20 much like shape of water, I could have done without the finger stuff
The Food
Went out to Leonardos Pizza Palace after the movie and it was an unfortunate move in that it made me realise how shit every other pizza I’ve had delivered to the comfort of my own home is. Who knew that the pizza base could have crunch??
Rating: 10/20 half points for good pizza w/ bad revelations.
The Social Stuff
I wasted the entire day today (Friday 13 Jan) because that singular and most insidious thought entered my head. A thought that has plagued me for as long as I can remember. A thought that I truly believe is seeking to destroy me.
“I should buy an outfit for this event I’ve been invited to”
There is nothing that will consume your time and mental health like letting this thought fester within your brain. Because the second you think it, you’re doomed to be disappointed. All your shopping expeditions will be futile. Even if you have the money to buy whatever you want. Even if you happen to be in a season where the clothes are suited to your body. You will not succeed. The odds are not in your favour.
The only way I can buy clothes is to either buy them online and be too lazy to return them and then be forced to commit. Or have absolutely no money, rent that needs to be paid, and a credit card that isn’t quite at its limit. Only then will I find the outfit of my dreams.
Rating: 10/20 may I be given the strength to just wear something old
The Miscellaneous Stuff
This article about…lip filler is a wild ride.
Wish this shirt wasn’t out of stock.
The L Word Gen Q Austostraddle recaps are a necessary companion piece so you don’t lose your mind.
An interchange that is as close to a roller coaster as I am willing to get.
Haven’t had the time to read but interested in this artist who trained an AI with her old diaries so she could talk to her childhood self.
Rating: 5/20 not going to lie, I could have put more effort into this for you.
Final Rating (60/100)
Not quite getting over the bar and I have to admit I’m finishing this newsletter off on a scorching Melbourne day while putting off a trip to the supermarket and I think my brain has in fact melted. I need an almond magnum and a little can of coke ASAP. Would love to know your coping strategies for summer. I’ll tell you now I don’t have a freezer big enough to fit some zooper doopers.
Hope you all have a wonderful week and if you did find something in this newsletter nice or amusing or cool or fresh, I would love it if you could share it with a friend that might also like it. It really helps get the word out.
Unfriended is on sale for Perth and Melbourne! It’s a show about friendship breakups that is going to be bigger than Banshees.