Hey! It’s me, Melbourne comedian and writer Prue Blake. I have a theory that shaving your legs or putting in that bit of extra effort, should translate to a better day on average. I’m testing this theory by critically reviewing each shave day and rate them out of 100. Any day that scores higher than a 75 was definitely worth the shave (whether the effects were direct or more…indirect. This newsletter is coming to you live from my birthday! Though I am making a choice not to age this year, I would still appreciate it if for a birthday gift you subscribed or shared my newsletter with a friend that would like it! I’ve even done most of the work for you and put some handy buttons in below.
The Shave (20/20)
This was an EXCELLENT shave. Not because of any particular shave details themselves but because I was shaving to go. for. a. swim. I’ve often thought that there are two people in life, those that just glide through having everything go their way and everyone else. This was just the evidence I needed to confirm I am one of the lucky ones.
In honour of the occasion, I did shave all the way up to the bikini line, instead of my usual half leg. I assume by the time I send this will be paying for this charmed life with some serious ingrown hairs. But as I have declared myself officially part of the gliders club maybe ingrown hairs are a thing of the past. Plus, I went home commando from the pool to really maximise fresh air and remove any potential of irritating those sensitive areas.
The Content (18/20)
This is where I admit that a lot of the things I read on the internet are directly sought out to confirm my own opinions. I have made an art form out of searching for validation. Some examples of googles I have made in the past few weeks include:
Is the cut off for Masterchef junior 14 because that’s the last age you ever feel optimism or the time before you feel shame?
Is it better to continue watching Bon Appetit videos and support their new diverse casting than confirm their suspicion that POC content would not perform as well?
Is Mindy Kaling’s ability to hide two pregnancies a symptom of fatphobia in the media?
Are people upset about Gladys Berejiklian getting some hot action from a dud dude because of the societal belief that sex is a need for men and a want for women?
What is my google search history and how do I get it?
Cue, this brutal call out from the Reductress and simultaneous great idea for a lockdown evening activity.
In an effort to soothe the soul, I highly recommend this podcast episode starring my two favourite things; love stories and Stanley Tucci (thanks for the recommendation Carly).
The Food (16/20)
I need you to know, that I had booked my swim for 11 am and this will loom large in the food section. Swimming makes me HUNGRY. Apparently, there is some evidence that shows ravenous hunger post-swim is triggered from emerging your body in cold water. This starts some sort of primal instinct to start eating salty salty chippies to build a nice blubber layer to keep you insulated. Lucky for me my dream body type is a seal. I also swim in a heated pool, but sure, maybe it is just a learned response by now.
To try and combat this, I had a nice low GI bowl of porridge an acceptable one hour before swimming. This is a cramp-free space. Unfortunately, as soon as I emerged from the cold water, I bought with me a ravenous beast. The ravenous beast demanded Nandos and who was I to deny them? Anyway, we had a Nandos wrap with peri peri chippies. It’s tough out there when even the Nandos delivery came with a beautiful message thanking me for the support with a hand-drawn rooster on the bag. :( :( :( Miss you cheeky Nandos with the lads.
Dinner was, very predictably for a Melbourne day that allowed swimming, a picnic. The park is the new pub and will be treated so much. I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve caught myself saying “ugh, not Eddy Gardens it’s just too busy, maybe we could go to Curtain Square or even just a little grassy median strip somewhere?” Continuing to be pretentious and bougie until the day I die. Anyway, snacks were brie, crackers, spicy salami, strawbs and some Whittaker’s Coconut Block. Good, but sorely lacking in some acid and a bit of a pickle if you wanted to really nail those picnic vibes.
The Social Stuff (14/20)
Social stuff on this day can be divided into two categories; work and as the savvy among you may guess, picnic.
Lets start with work. No shade to the people I work with, but it is brutal that over 80% of my social interactions have been conducted via the Microsoft Teams app. I’ve got nothing left to give after grinding it out for four days of video meetings, mostly because I have been staring critically at my neck wrinkles the whole time (I feel you now, Nora Ephron). It does make me wonder about my old office, a swanky town planning place that was rife with affairs. Is anyone managing to conduct a sexy office affair via TEAMS? I can’t think of anything less sexy than having to go video off mid-way through a striptease because your internet keeps lagging. Have it freeze once at a bad time and it’d be hard to compete with your lovely real life partner. Why not just make it work? If you are mid WFH affair though, I would love to hear more about it and how you make it sexy. Luckily for me, anyone that has had a friend mid-affair knows that they love to tell you all about it! Once you are sick of listening to the endless self-absorbed merry-go-round (no shade affair people, we all do it some time or another), I am happy to step in and get the deets! Though please note, this offer is valid for one session only.
Picnic on the other hand. Really just a great opportunity to complain about work.
Shout out to a post-shave day where my boyf, worlds biggest prude (fan of my work), said ‘I’m so glad you shaved your legs for this’ while we were cuddling to which I replied ‘I most certainly did not’. Indicating, as I always suspected, he has no idea if or when a shave occurs (minus 1 point).
The Miscellaneous Stuff (14/20)
The comedy of survival: A book excerpt and hope for the revival of comedy in the near future.
The best food video ever made.
I also like these cakes.
I see a comedian being profiled and it must be included, especially Phoebe Robinson.
I’ve never watched Dawson’s Creek and yet that song is still burned in my brain.
Great profile on the almighty Sohla, her new endeavours, throwing shade at Brad Leone and just not giving a fuck.
I’ve found myself attracted to the interiors blob.
I have to admit I too am a fan of the fortune teller over the therapist.
Finally, my Friday Funny Buggers segment with the fake-fasters. Admittedly not my best comedic work, but there are only so many jokes that translate to 7:45 in the morning and we all agree doing any work right now is a win, no? Plus you get a bonus shame-filled story from the excellent Alex Ward.
Final Rating (82/100)
Our second ever day that was worth going to that tedious effort of shaving the ol’ legs plus bikini line situation. Really proud of the work we are doing here. Thinking that an outdoor summer of gigs and frivolity (please oh please) might be what we need to turn those low winter scores of the past around.
Anyway, happy birthday to me and happy regular Sunday to you. I feel I become more powerful with each passing day on this earth. Please feel free to leave accolades and juicy goss in the comments if you wanted to make my day. See you in a fortnight! Miss you already x