Hello hello,
I come to you with my tail firmly between my legs as I know that I missed a week and I am absolutely beating myself up for not delivering this newsletter to you on schedule. I lie awake at night imagining your excited little faces, glowing with the light of your phone, as you groggily open the Gmail app only to find… sales and spam. Your day is not ruined per se, but slightly less without a little email from me to help you procrastinate.
Anyway, you are reading the latest edition of I shaved my legs for…THIS?! The newsletter explores my theory that shaving your legs or putting in that bit of extra effort should translate to having an above-average day. To test this theory I critically review every shave and the subsequent day/week/experiences and give it all a rating out of 100. Any day that scores higher than a 75 was definitely worth the shave.
If you aren’t described, I built this little button down there with my bare hands to help you do so. It’ll be better for you, I promise!
The Shave
I’m already at the point in summer where I am sick of shaving! It’s so tedious that it needs to be done over and over and over again. When I was a kid, I was an absolute drama queen (and clutz) and all my splinters had to be removed by the ‘splinter fairy’ in the middle of the night. Luckily I am also dramatic by sleeping so deeply that once I am down there is very little that could wake me - not even a parent tweezing bits of old deck out of your feet. Wouldn’t it be a dream to have a real shave fairy come and do my legs for me?
Rating: 13/20 also open to other ideas to improve the system (NOT WAXING!)
The Content
Today I am in awe of anyone at all who has ever made anything and kept going until it was good enough to be out in the world. It feels impossible to get past the stage where it is so so shit and far away from the perfect thing you hold in your head. But even more impressive to let the shit thing be out there for any moments at all. Though even I admit sometimes those are the things that can really capture the imagination (10 more days until a new season of Emily in Paris).
I do like to remember whenever imposter syndrome is really getting to me, an ‘artist’ I lived with when I first moved to Melbourne. I always liked doing art but struggled with the same issues with not achieving the perfect thing I had in my brain. But this artist had none of those issues, they had a paid commission for the gallery in the tunnel between Flinders Street Station and Degraves Street and what they submitted was a ‘pyramid’ of pink marshmallows glued together and one A5 painting of their signature blobs. What an inspiration.
Rating: 16/20 you can’t do your best without absolutely backing your very worst.
The Food
I have two little food stories for you today. The first disaster happened when I indulged in one of my worst traits. Walking to a gig, I grabbed myself a little chocolate treat. But for some reason, probably something I read in Girlfriend magazine about never actually eating anything, my brain convinces me that I should save a little bit of the chocolate for later. This is a bad habit. Because after the gig, I had totally forgotten about the few leftover pieces of mint aero I had in my pocket when I needed to lie on the couch with my jacket still on for a few hours to recover from a show that was not my best. Which ended with the real treat of the night - putting my hand into a pocket full of hot minty goo. Mmmm yummy.
The second incident was less disaster and more of an uncomfortable realisation, but I had a fried fish sandwich for lunch and ended up with teeth so sticky that it felt like someone was preparing to wallpaper them. I immediately blamed the quality of the fish but a friend told me that perhaps it was the flour and egg used to batter the fish and literally creating a glue in my mouth. Perhaps one day I will invest in developing a new type of battering technique that doesn’t result in such atrocities. Until then, I’ll just use the finding as a way to justify always getting something bubbly with my fish burger.
Rating: 2/20 going down in the books as 2 points for 2 delicious disasters
The Social Stuff
The reason I was late last week is that I went away for a little girls’ trip at the beach. It was mostly to get some work done, which is really my sweet spot, rather than an ill-defined hang which can lead to some pretty mismatched ideas of what the weekend will be.
I haven’t had many beach trips that actually go poorly, I normally have a nice time as eating, boozing and gossiping about mutual acquaintances is my happy place. But for some reason, these little beach trips have often marked the beginning of the end for each and every group I’ve ever travelled with.
Some of this surely comes down to changing life stages and a loss of access to mutual holidays. Or maybe there is something darker and more mysterious that messes up these weekends. Could it be that anyone stuck sharing a bed with my snoring doesn’t dare repeat the experience or is a girls’ beach trip naturally the last ditch attempt to save an already failing set of relationships?
The only other possible answer is that I was cursed by a passing sea witch as a child, growing up on the beaches of Hervey Bay. Once the fish and chips are done, I would much prefer to stay inside and play pokemon.
Rating: 20/20 for the weekend and in hope of finally breaking the curse.
The Miscellaneous Stuff
Absolutely adored this article about insecure boyfriends and Nora Ephron.
An ode to the slow cooker, or the kitchen appliance I desired most and use the least.
Listen to episode 1 of the Late Night Moring Breakfast Show @ 7pm with Ollie, Prue, Josh, Frankie and Wazza.
A good read on the Tradwife trend.
The best Christmas present is the gift of words - so why not buy some cute mini books from up-and-coming comedians (including yours truly) at Splitbill by Somekind Press.
Take me too, Panettone Town.
Rating: 20/20 I love all these links (especially the ones I am actively involved in)!
Final Rating (71/100)
I know it wasn’t quite a worth-it day, but I would like to take a moment to thank you all for reading and dealing with me and my many failings. I appreciate you reading this whenever you get the chance. As we head into the thick of the summer holidays I don’t think I will miss any newsletters but they may get a little lazier as I enter full-on slob mode.
If you did enjoy this newsletter, please share it with a mate! I know I say this every week and you probably stop reading from here but it does make a big difference! Everyone that shares it I will (positively) curse, perhaps with the ability to never forget a leftover chunk of chocolate in your pocket.
Also! Unfriended is on sale for Perth and MELBOURNE! It’s a show about friendship breakups and whether there is a better way to deal with the ups and downs of friendships in our lives.